Anniversary

Four years ago Sunday, my cousin became an angel. I miss you Courtney. Each day has gotten easier, but certain days bring back the anger, sadness, and confusion surrounding your loss. I hope that one day we will see each other again, and until then, keep your beautiful smile going and keep looking out for us. We love you!

Way Too Many Pictures...

A lot has been going on in the past few weeks! Here's a collection of pictures to help you catch up. There are four cornerstones that my family lives by, and we live by them so much that they have ended up on the headstones of my relatives. Family, farming, fun, and faith are the basic elements of the Osterberg family, and the past few weeks have been a wonderful union of all four. Enjoy the photos! As soon as I have the time and motivation to write (unless captions on these count?), I will. Right now, I have bigger fish to fry.

Shelby and I always take random pictures at random times, which is obvious given her ensemble compared to mine. Either way, it was a good shot, minus our amputated feet.

Laney and Addie wanted to go for a walk, so we took a real dog (the furrball in the bottom left) and their stuffed animals. They loved it about as much as I love them.


The inner gymnast in me can still do cartwheels in heels. I used to do that to make sure I kept my toes pointed on the beam. It's amazing that when I blasted my knee apart the first time, I was actually barefoot.

Who has a cat that looks dead every time he naps? I do.

If I'm not working and it's sunny, this is what I look like.

Phil and I at a 4th party. If only I can work on teaching him to NOT spill things 20 seconds before a picture...boys.

My little cousin Grant was so sad that he couldn't drive the Kubota, but my aunt and I just wanted to get home!

Andrew, Karah, and me.

The only reason I'm posting this is to prove that trucks can be spacious. One of my friends said they are cramped...they're not cramped when you have this one!

Mama Laurel and I at the club on my birthday. We even match. It's kind of disgusting.

One of my students/swimmers/sister's friend with Shelby and me before the fireworks. True story: I was walking to the bathroom and someone congratulated me on my work in office. Just because I wear a shirt with a name on it doesn't mean that it's my name! Obviously, this was after the parade and I hadn't had the chance to change. Michelle certainly appreciated the compliment, and I think from now on I'll bring a change of clothes!

Delaney and I at the pool. She wanted "cuggle time" which is a hybrid of "cuddle" and "snuggle." I have very smart children in my family.

The real Michelle Courier and I after the parade. Before I know it, it'll be back to the grind with campaign projects! By the way, she too is an Illinois grad.

The infamous Osterberg baseball field. That is about 1/5th of the yard that my grandma has.

My Uncle Denny is 60 and still throws a wicked curve ball. In the background is Cole, who is 8. We don't exclude!

I find cute crafty stuff.

Birthdays

I know it has been some time since I posted on here, but there has been a lot to keep me busy! I will have a mix of photos up soon. Thank you to everyone who left me facebook messages, phone calls, gifts, delivered flowers, and a special thanks to my aunt for putting me on TV! It was truly wonderful, and I enjoyed spending time with all of you. In light of birthdays, I have also been thinking about another birthday coming up. Courtney would have been 22 in 10 days. Although each passing anniversary of her death (August 2nd) gets a little easier, her birthday is the worst. I took her out for her birthday, just the two of us, and never knew or expected that it would be the last time I would see her alive. We tried to hang out a few times after that, but my family took our trip to the lake a couple days later.

It may seem trivial now for me to place so much weight on her birthday, but lately I really have been missing her. She was my best friend. Someone that I grew up with and shared every detail of my life. Nobody can replace her, and my heart aches sometimes when I visit the details of her death in my mind. When we had an impromptu party at her mom's house, her mom was initially dreading having so many people over. But, later on in the night, she said, "I didn't want to host this, but look around: we're all having fun and spending time together as a family. When I think about Courtney, I know that she had a great life because of all these things. We might as well live while we can and clean up the messes later. Life's too short, and as long as we don't make too many messes, this is what it's all about." I don't think that she meant for it to be so meaningful, but I know that the rest of us sitting around that bonfire felt the same way. I've learned in the past few weeks that we should treat every day like our birthday. Why celebrate once a year that we've made it another year? Each day is a gift unpromised, and we need to be grateful for the time that is lent to us. I could die tomorrow, and so could you. Let's never forget that. On that note, Happy Birthday!

1,2,3,4

Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
You’re the best that I’ve had
And I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only ONE thing
TO Do
THREE words
FOR you
I love you
There’s only ONE way
TO say
Those THREE words
That’s what I’ll do
I love you


---Stolen from the Plain White T's---

Pictures

Today is pretty mixed. I'm loving the 95 degree weather and time with my family, but hate that things will not be like this forever. I'm learning to enjoy it while I have it, because when it's gone, and when we're gone, the memories will be all that remains. My family has been through so many tragedies (yes, tragedies, the kinds that brought newscasters to our home...I may bring those up later) that it is amazing that we maintain our composure. From the outside, you wouldn't think that our family has seen and overcome so much, but it goes to show two things: one, that we are masters of concealing emotion, and two, that we always take a piece of each other's pain so that it isn't as heavy on anyone.

I'll give you with a quote which happens to be one of my favorites. As you look through the pictures on here and the ones to come, remember how true this is and think of your own photo albums. I bet you'll agree and for a moment think of all you've been through to get to your favorite snapshot.

"You'll never find the hard times in the family photo album. Why? Those times are the most memorable and most important. In these dark times, we come together, grow, and change. Yet we never see the tears, the pain, or the struggles in our albums. Rest assured, the hard times are the best of times. They are what takes you from one happy shot to another."

I'll always remember the happy shots, and the spaces inbetween.

Family

Poor Cole wiped out yesterday. Even after some stitches and some major road rash, he's back on his bicycle and doing well. I think we were more worried about his riding a bike so soon than he was! While he rode his bike, I rode the Kubota and kept a close watch on him.


Kenley is teething now and spends a lot of time inside. She loves the water, but we don't want her to be burnt! She is really into "going for walks" around the house, which is what Miss Ashley spent a lot of time doing today.


We always take a picture like this every year. I haven't changed much, but Shelby and Brandon are definitely growing up!

This picture just puts me at ease. There is something about the front porch on the farm that brings all of us together. Mar just happened to be standing outside, so she struck a pose for us. We were on our little adventure and remembered all the conversations held there...good and bad!

This is the Kubota. We love driving it around from house to house, and it's perfect for driving in areas that are safe from traffic, not to mention a great place to toss a bike when the little ones get tired. This one is a "eco-friendly" one, but it still has the power and comfort of the other ones. Please ignore the dirt...someone got stuck in the stream and was saved by the four wheel drive.


Now, on to the blog...

Today was such a joy. After work today I got to spend my afternoon with my family. Most of you know that there are a lot of us that live within two miles of each other, so when you add in 95 degree weather, a pool, and a few of us, a good time is inevitable. I initially wanted to stay inside and nap, but my sister was adamant about getting outside and enjoying the heat. I figured that I spent a lot of time with my family yesterday between the bonfire and a cookout, but I gave it a try. Plus, I was a little worried that my cousin Cole would be begging me to bring "Mr. Phil" over for a round of baseball on the hottest day of the year. Needless to say, I am SO glad I listened to her. I haven't had the energy to do much more than a half day's work lately, so I figured I wouldn't be able to keep up with my family. I come from a family of power shoppers, BlackBerry lovers, and girls that can be ready to walk out the door in ten minutes if it calls for it (which was very obvious while Cole was getting stitches yesterday!) We ended up spending 10 hours together! We covered a little bit of everything from rescuing a kitten, giving swim lessons, taking a long walk/bike ride/drive, swimming, and even driving around with the top down at 9 at night. Definitely a day to remember.

It wasn't as much as what we did but what was unsaid that made my day. In our society, my family is highly atypical. We still get together multiple times a week for unplanned reasons and do it willingly. Sometimes we get together to watch TV, whereas other times we are hosting 150 for Easter. It is such a blessing to have a family that still values spending this much time together and helping each other as much as we can. I've always heard that it takes a village to raise a child, and it is pretty self-evident that we are the definition of how that works. We took a lot of pictures today, and almost all of them make me smile. For at least one day, I forgot how sick I feel and remembered that teething babies are the cutest, even when they have drool everywhere. I also learned that regardless of what my family goes through, we always stick together. This will never change.

For the Common Good

This was "stolen" from my friend Kevin, but I think it shows an unusual perspective on someone who has cancer. I have never seen anyone so optimistic as well as someone with a passion to use his experience for the better. He is such an eloquent writer (good job Cornell, we will return him to you healthy!) and I wish him luck with his bone marrow transplant. He has had such a long journey yet has maintained a sense of peace and faith despite many challenges. Get well soon Kevin!

Life is always a rollercoaster, but this last month has brought more stomach-stealing drops than I would have liked. But I must say, the views it’s provided have been truly amazing and enlightening. I’ve learned more valuable lessons in the past month than in my two years at Cornell (at the very least).
When faced with my own mortality, I learned to view life through a different lens. I learned what’s worth fearing, and what’s not worth my emotion – and cancer falls into the latter category. It may be that I’ve been prepped for it because I’ve lived with cancer – and seen the positive side of it – for most of my life, but I don’t fear it anymore. I think cancer, for most people, is a 6-letter word to be avoided in most conversations. I believe otherwise – cancer is another fact of life, one that brings about change in the same way moving to a new city or starting a new career brings change. There are hardships, there are good times, but in the end it’s a learning experience. I’ve learned about humanity – and the goodness that lives inside each and every one of us. I’ve learned that it’s ok to cry – Superman’s a myth, and each one of us is human. We can’t be expected to handle every situation with stony resolve, like a veteran Marine. I’ve learned about what’s important, and what’s just a waste of time. Cancer is the latter. While I don’t expect to get through the rest of this ordeal without any hiccups, overall it’s nothing but a speed bump in the road of life. And there’s no sense in worrying about what could happen, because health isn’t just medicine.
Positive attitudes go a long way.
I’ve done my best to maintain a positive attitude, though for the most part it’s come naturally. I guess I just remind myself that time flows at the same rate, rain or shine, and the time will come when I’m past the bone marrow transplant and back to normal life. Yes, my hair will grow back (though I’ve been told quite often that I look good bald). But in the end, I’ll be who I was before – and that’s what matters.
And it’s not just me that benefits from this. My dream has been to help people, though I’ve always been at a loss as to how to do that. I think this might be my chance – show people the power of a positive attitude.
And make that attitude spread like leukemia. As bad as that sounds, it’s a great example. I was thinking the other day – leukemia starts with one cell. All it takes is one mutation in one cell, and – as time inevitably flows on – that cell multiplies. What was once one cell becomes millions, billions, even into the trillions (so I’m told) and interferes with normal blood production. But that’s a negative effect. A negative attitude can have the same effect in the long run (well, maybe not affecting trillions), but so can a positive attitude. Keep that in mind the next time something’s not quite going right. Remember that time flows on – and remember what matters. Is it something you’re going to be emotional about tomorrow or the next week? Or is it something that can’t be changed and must be accepted? I’ve always tried to remember those – and remember what matters. If it’s worth the emotion tomorrow, then it’s worth it now. Conversely, if it won’t bother me tomorrow, why let it get to me now? Spread the love, not the hatred or sadness.
I know this doesn’t always work, but like I said – no one’s Superman. But it works pretty darn well the rest of the time. And I’ll settle for that.

After reading that, I think we all need to think about one thing: what experience can we use to better the world?